Folks who are already onboard the 1:1 train don’t need convincing. But for those who’ve never made it a common practice, it can seem on the face of it like a waste of time.
“I already talk to my team members a lot.”
“I have an open door.”
“I’m supposed to do this on top of my actual job?”
No. This is your job.
What should be a common expectation of managers is the removal of obstacles. Whatever is keeping your team members from being successful, that should be on you to fix. How will you know what those things are if you don’t build a great channel of communication with them? How will you help them grow into an even more valuable team member if you don’t take the time to learn what’s important to them? How will you make it attractive for them to stay?
Here are some basics to make your 1:1s effective at all of the above.
Build rapport
Whatever else you think is important about 1:1’s, and whatever you believe about how to deliver them, you should make sure you’re forging a relationship. An employee spends more of their waking hours on the job than anywhere else. And their connection with their boss is one of the main factors in determining their retention and their emotional investment. At one of my clients there’s a guy who went from Chicago to Seattle and back to Chicago (about 3000km each way) just because his manager changed jobs. He loved his manager so he followed him to each gig. If you’re just starting, I don’t care if you play games together for your 1:1’s, take a walk, sit in the break room, or go bowling. Build rapport.
Trust
Sadly, there’s a good chance you know what it’s like when you don’t trust your boss. Do you ever want your team members to feel that way about you? Here’s an important point about trust from the realm of academic study: we evaluate people for trust on two axes. The first is warmth. Is the person likeable? Approachable? The second is competence. Can they do the things they’re talking about? If someone scores high enough on both axes we tend to consider them trustworthy. But even if you’re off the charts on a single axis, scoring low on the other axis can be a dealbreaker. The most experienced and intelligent tech director on the planet will still have difficulty generating trust if they’re a sociopath. And research indicates that if any given person had to pick only one, warmth is more important to people than competence.
Suggested Topics
Not sure what to talk about in your first 1:1? Spend ⅓ asking about their concerns, ⅓ talking about your feedback, and ⅓ discussing their development goals. I’d advise against feeling like you have to cram in your comments and questions, though. Really this meeting is about them. If you’re pressed for time, make sure the team member gets to use as much of it as they like. Finally, here are a few wonderful questions I found on the blog of @lara_hogan of Etsy: What makes you grumpy? How will I know when you’re grumpy? What can I do when you’re grumpy?
Suggested Duration and Frequency
There are no hard rules here, but if you’re looking to get started, go with half an hour every two weeks. This may change over time as the employee’s needs change and as you have more or fewer development goals to discuss. The key words here are regular and frequent. Frequent will likely mean something different to each team member, but everyone knows what regular looks like. Do not miss your 1:1’s. Don’t cancel or postpone at the last second. There’s only one thing you can do here that will send the message “you are important to me”, but there’s a thousand ways to say, “I don’t really care about you.”
This is Not a Status Report
You have a million channels to get up to date on the status of a team member’s work. Emails, Trello boards, JIRA filters, team meetings, Confluence, playing through their level…whatever. Don’t waste this time checking up on how many widgets they made this week. Their 1:1 is not about that. If you’re just starting 1:1s with a team member they may not initially feel comfortable talking about anything but their status. That’s OK. Start there. But don’t stay there.
Agenda
Send bullets in advance if there are specific things you want to share or ask. Give them an opportunity to add to it beforehand.
Take Notes
Good for remembering what you discussed. Or promised. Or agreed to. Also good in case of HR issues.
image courtesy of JS Romeo via unsplash